Hello blog,

How have you been? Me? I've been learning a lot in a very short time. You know, it's interesting; I spent every day last year learning about ME. How I respond to people, what my strengths/weaknesses are, and essentially who I am. Now, I'm learning more about what it is that I want, who it is that I want, and how much I want him. It's been quite the eye opening experience.

So, I have this man in my room. I call him my Flat Hubby (basically put a Flat Stanley and a YW lesson on eternal partners together, and that's what I have in my room). He's perfect in every way. He reminds me of who I want to be, and what is important to me. He's missing something, though. I remember telling my friends that the best way to describe the man that I want to marry in encompassed in a feeling, rather than in a list.

That feeling can most closely be connected to what it feels like to have the spirit with me. He fills my whole heart. Makes me feel beautiful and important in every way. Completes me, and leaves no black holes left in me. We will be one in every way, and will strive to stay that way. I will adore him, and he will adore me.

I want more than everything to be one of those old couples who hold hands in the grocery store. I want to feel that joy that comes from having all of my descendants together in one room, when most of them are married and are starting families of their own. I want to walk the temple with the man I love, knowing that we are together forever.

One day, I will be able to experience these things. That's why I'm shedding so many tears at this point in time, but one day everything will be worth it, and I will feel so much more joy than I can even imagine. I know this. I look forward to how fulfilling these things will be when I look back and am glad that I worked so very hard to earn every last one of them.

I was just skimming through the blogs my friends like to follow, and I found this. Thank you Awkward Ashley. I needed this :)

"Perhaps the greatest indicator of character is the capacity to recognize and appropriately respond to other people who are experiencing the very challenge or adversity that is most immediately and forcefully pressing upon us. Character is revealed, for example, in the power to discern the suffering of other people when we ourselves are suffering; in the ability to detect the hunger of others when we are hungry; and in the power to reach out and extend compassion for the spiritual agony of others when we are in the midst of our own spiritual distress. Thus, character is demonstrated by looking and reaching outward when the natural and instinctive response is to be self-absorbed and turn inward. If such a capacity is indeed the ultimate criterion of moral character, then the Savior of the world is the perfect example of such a consistent and charitable character."

After reading these incredible words I went to work. A woman came in, at the same time I did, and I was told to do her intake immediately. My boss explained that because of the cleaning that was happening we were not accepting any new women today - but they made an exception for this one. "It is pretty bad..." she told me, "And hey, we have hearts, so we are letting her stay." She explained that she had just picked up the woman from the hospital and that she was waiting for me in the office area. I never want to undermine the importance, relevance, and influence of other types of abuse. In this shelter it is hard to see just what emotional, mental, financial and spiritual abuse can do. We help women get out of all of these situations. This woman had also experienced these types of abuse but what stood out to me most was the absolute presence of the physical abuse. I cannot imagine what this man must have done to the spirit, the inside, of this woman because I was able to see what he did to the outside.

Covered from head to toe in bruises, bumps, cuts, scrapes, and broken bones the intake process was not comfortable. It was hard for her to hold a pen and sign her name because it caused such intense pain. I explained to her that, because this was community living and we didn't want all of the cleaning to fall on one person, a very simple chore is assigned each night. However, I explained and reassured her that tonight she did not get a chore and should just go to bed and get comfortable. She graciously expressed she understood and I showed her her room, got her everything she needed, and went back to work.

Later on, I came back to the kitchen area to find this beaten woman, so beaten in fact that she could hardly lift a pen, sweeping the floor for another woman, taking out the trash, and cleaning alongside the other women staying there. She later came and asked me for extra bedding for one of the other woman because that woman was stressed and overwhelmed.

I went back into the night manager bedroom and tried to process all that I had seen. In the depths of despair and grief, I witnessed a woman who should have been looking inward, take care of everyone else at that shelter. She was aware and acted in service. She was inspiring.

May we all try to be like this woman. Looking outward even when we so badly want to look in.

Summahtime!

This whole keeping a blog thing has been really weird for me. I've wanted to post things, but I haven't quite known what TO post. But, I figured that since school is starting in just under 2 weeks, I might as well get a little something going. I'm excited for this next school year...I have no idea what may be before me, but I think it will be good!

My summer has consisted of work, work, work, and more work. From teaching swim lessons, to lifeguarding, I have been at the pool between 30 and 40 hours every week since June. It's been so much fun! I really love the people that I work with, they are just a blast to be around! I love watching them swat gnats with their rescue tubes, seeing everyone rotate to their next chairs at their own (fast or slow) pace, oh! and I LOVE watching the boys do tricks down the slides or off the diving boards. I have been so well entertained with this job!

I think that one of my favorite places to guard is the kiddie pool. It's kind of scary sometimes, but watching those kids and those parents with their kids is ADORABLE. A few weeks ago, there was a 7 -year old sister teaching her 5-year-old brother how to belly flop. Once she demonstrated it, he immediately exclaimed "uh-uh! I'm not doing that!" Oh, it made me laugh. Dads can be so cute with their kids sometimes too. For some reason, they like to break all of the rules while playing with them (namely throwing them across the pool), but it's still so fun to hear all of the kids laughing up a storm. The most precious thing I saw was a dad playing a game that his 3 little girls made up. It didn't quite make sense to him, but he still went along with it. The girls were over-joyed that their dad was playing with them. All I could think was, "boy! I hope my husband is this cute!" Randomly throughout my rotation, I find myself laughing/smiling at the things that I see. I just love it!

I wish I had my Cali friends closer to me so that they could be a part of everything going on! Boy, do I miss those kids!

Family...isn't it about time?

I've been thinking a lot lately about how lucky I am to have my family....all quirks included :) I couldn't imagine life without them!

This Saturday, my mom hosted a very fun family reunion for her side of the family. It was surprizing to see how many people came. We played a few games, and we talked a ton. I'm sure that way back in the day when these cousins got to gether, it probably never occured to them that they would be together 20 years from then and talking about their kids going to college. I wonder what a reunion will feel like for me 20 years from now :)

The interesting thing about this reunion was that there was a funeral for our sweet little 8-year-old neighbor a few hours before the reunion started. It certainly sparked a lot of thought and appreciation for my family. I'm grateful for my family and for all of the things we have been through together. I can't wait for the many more years ahead of us!

Dear (future) me:

"Remember that the God of all the earth will do right." (Joseph Smith)

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

"We need to remember that though we make our friends, God has made our neighbors – everywhere. Love should have no boundary; we should have no narrow loyalties."

President Howard W. Hunter

I don't remember where I found this quote, but it reminds me very much of something that I learned in Institute one Friday afternoon. I was not looking forward to going to Institute at all that day, but when I told my friend Lexi this, she looked at me and said "sometimes, the times you don't want to go are the times you need to go the most." It really stopped me in my tracks. I went to Institute and learned this great lesson that I wouldn't have learned if Lexi wasn't such a good friend to me.

"The world is currently facing a plague of pain. The young woman down the row may have a head ache. The young man in front of you may be struggling with pornography. The married couple across the room may be battling infertility. You do not know how much people are hurting."

It is so true! We DON'T know what is going on in our neighbor's heart, and we may never know. How many times do we hear things like, "this girl across the hall didn't even know it, but I needed that smile she gave me more than I can ever tell her"? I hear it a lot!

We may never know the influence we will make on someone's life, but that should never stop us from trying. Our neighbors ARE everywhere, and they need our kindness...regardless of what they have done before.